Elena opened her eyes to see a brown wall with large words in green before her.
WELCOME. EVERYTHING IS FINE.
It was a strange message, but she supposed it made sense, given that she had no idea where she was or how she’d gotten there. She took a moment to assess her surroundings, noting the slightly uncomfortable armchair she sat in and the uninspiring drawers behind her.
She sat, simply trying to get her bearings, for a couple of minutes. Eventually, a door to her left opened, and a man who looked to perhaps be in his sixties stepped through. He wore a grey suit and a blue bow tie.
“Elena, come on in,” said the man, waving for her to join him in the adjacent room.
Still not at all sure what was going on, Elena pushed herself up and headed into the room. Despite her lack of knowledge about her situation, she was surprisingly calm. The last thing she could remember was heading to the professional pediatric podiatrist close to Cheltenham to pick up her nephew.
The white-haired man smiled at Elena as she stepped into the plainly decorated office. He sat behind his desk, inviting Elena to take the chair in front of him.
As Elena sat down, the man spoke. “You, Elena Caltrop, are dead.”
“Oh. Cool,” said Elena, not sure what to make of that. Somehow, she was both shocked to her core and completely calm at the same time. “So, is this like, you know…” Elena did a thumbs up, followed by a thumbs down, not quite able to find the words for heaven or hell.
Distantly, she wondered if Todd had gotten home from his children’s orthotics appointment in Cheltenham alright. He probably could have walked… but, well, he did have bad feet. That’d been the whole reason he needed the appointment. Man, Dylan would have killed her – if she weren’t already dead – for failing to pick up his son from the podiatrist.
“Well,” said the man, “this isn’t your traditional idea of the afterlife. There’s a Goopie and a Bapie – short for Good Place and Bad Place. You’re in the Goopie, Elena.”
“Oh,” Elena said. “Nice.”