We have seen the future of kitchen design, and the future is robots. Droids. Androids. Droid-Anns (that is, droids that are called ‘Ann’). That’s why we at Android Office Solutions are diversifying the brand and starting a second company, Android Kitchen Solutions. The main problem is that we don’t actually have any skilled kitchen designers on staff at the moment, so we’d be looking to find an efficient and well-rated kitchen designer open for business, so we can work together to craft the kitchen of the future.
Which will be robots. But not JUST robots. There’s no use fitting a kitchen, commercial or residential, if it looks horrible. All the robots in the world aren’t going to get you any business if you just slap a bit of chrome all over the place and call it a day. No, people on the hunt for quality kitchen design know exactly what they want. Elegance, simplicity, and soon…robots. Just imagine it: you get a kitchen fitout that gives you the oaken counter-tops of your dreams, a double-sink at last, and one of those little thingies that gives you boiling water at any time you like. But ALSO, the microwave now responds to your voice commands and asks you how your day is going, maybe even recognises certain types of food and doesn’t have to ask how long to heat it up. The fridge automatically adjusts to the optimum temperatures for every piece of food, and of course there will be a robot butler: Jeeves 6000. We’ve already started working on his core software. He will be both posh and efficient.
People always talk about modern kitchen design, but this will be the kitchen renovation to end them all. Your specifications, your perfect countertops and floor materials…and Jeeves. Faithful, subservient Jeeves, and his wife, Ann.
There’s absolutely nothing more serious than office design. Everyone here is joking around, saying that they hope they come back to our main office to find that it’s full of robots that do their work for them, and a multi-storey car park that pick up your car with a metal arm and places it into a bay.
Well, for the record, that would be AMAZING. Also, very convenient…parking in bays is hard. But offices are the way of the future. If we don’t evolve, we just face away. Gone are the days of orange sofas and orange soda machines. Orange used to be the new navy, but now, purple is the new orange. Not to be confused with burnt orange, which was the new grey, but has now been re-overtaken by grey. But that’s gunmetal grey. Surely there must be at least one respectable place that does office fitouts. Sydney is bound to have a few companies that can be trusted with such a crucial task.
What was I talking about? Oh yeah, offices, and the incredible importance of making them look and feel great for the continued business success of this great country. For you see, the trite office design of the early 2010s has fully passed us by. All the big tech companies used to just fill their break rooms with jelly bears, and line the walls with fun workplace snaps of a candid nature. I think people are starting to realise that workplaces have to have a certain degree of professionalism if they want to function properly. You can let people arrive in the morning with running shoes, and they might occasionally have casual Fridays, but professionalism is key. So once we get back to our quality office fitout, by Sydney office design professionals, they’ll have to see the truth.
Grey. Purple. Open-plan but nothing too crazy. It’s the way of the future.
I’ve just been doing some totally random reading online about something called hyperbaric oxygen therapy. You know how it is these days; stumbling onto topics that have pretty much zero connection to anything going on in your life and somehow getting sucked into reading a bunch of info about them. Anyway, I’m going to regurgitate what I just read so that you, reader, can enjoy a similar experience.
Hyperbaric therapy in Australia is pretty well established as a medical treatment for the decompression sickness sometimes suffered by scuba divers. It involves the patient going into a sort of tank or chamber in which they breath air with a higher oxygen content than is standard in our environment. This can be 100% oxygen, although I think milder versions might also be a thing.
In Melbourne, hyperbaric medicine is used in hospital settings to treat things like necrotising soft tissue infections and certain cases of non-healing wounds (like from diabetes or radiotherapy), as well as decompression sickness. Some people online have some pretty wild stories to tell about how it’s helped with things like chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia and developmental delays, and even reversed brain damage. These reports aren’t scientifically supported at this stage, but there’s quite a lot of them about, which makes it hard to write them off.
The chambers through which the treatment is delivered are even available as portable systems for home use, which means that people who could benefit from ongoing therapy can have relatively affordable access to it. I guess I feel like, if people have gone to the trouble of figuring out how to construct a portable version of this thing, there must really be something to it. I can’t imagine anyone being motivated to explore it that thoroughly if there wasn’t.
Anyway, like I said, I don’t really have any use for a hyperbaric chamber, portable or otherwise, in my life at this point (and I hope this continues to be the case, given the list of conditions they’re said to be able to treat). Even so, it’s got me thinking in new ways about the role of oxygen in the body.