I only vaguely remember my first birthday party. I don’t mean my first birthday party, like…when I was one. No one really remembers things like that, although funnily enough there are celebrations anyway. To be honest with you it seems a bit pointless to spend all this time and money on a party that the kid isn’t even going to remember.

My parents didn’t do the whole party thing until we were old enough to remember it, which was, like…five? I can’t remember how many candles there were, but I had some friends over from playgroup, blew out the candles, ate cake and just ran around. You know, as kids do: making their own entertainment.

That’s what kids USED to do, anyway. Blame inflation, blame the Prime Minister, blame the hole in the ozone layer, but whatever the reason, everything has to be bigger and better now. There are places in Melbourne, kids birthday party venues, and that’s all they do. I’ve got nothing against them as such. They seem really fun. But I guess I just look at them and wonder what it would’ve been like if that industry had been super big back when I was young and my parents were into taking the kids out to venues for big celebrations. Imagine the cake you get in those places. It’d have to be big, right? You can’t take a kid out to somewhere like that and give them a small birthday cake. It’d look really small because the room is so big. The table is also big. Everything looks small on those huge tables, unless the thing sitting on them is huge enough that you don’t notice.

Maybe one day I’ll have kids, and I’ll be faced with this decision. To hire a kids birthday party venue or not? I’m sure Melbourne’s birthday party venues are up to scratch, thanks to inflation, the Prime Minister and kids getting higher standards for their celebrations. Maybe I should just give in and have a celebration.