Dear Diary,

You wouldn’t believe the predicament I find myself in! My day started with an unusual guest – a young lad called Lint who bumbled onto my ship with a tale of adventure and, against my better judgement, I found myself entranced. You see, Melbourne is now more ocean than city, and Lint claimed to have a map to the legendary Quadforce, now scattered in pieces across this sunken cityscape.

Off we set on the SS Lionel, slicing through the submerged streets with hope on our horizon. I had Lint on navigation, a mistake I’d come to regret. His idea of directions, it seemed, involved leading us straight into a churning reef. The screech of metal on rock echoed in my ears as the hull protested loudly. A flock of frenzied seagulls, upset by our intrusion, swooped at us, damaging our precious combing racks.

The SS Lionel, my trusty vessel, had seen better days, and with Lint’s help, worse ones were on the horizon. We limped along the flooded streets, the skeletal remains of skyscrapers looming overhead, until we found our saviour. A floating shop bobbed on the waters, manned by a character as bizarre as Lint himself. Beetle they called him, and he promised a quick fix.

A sight for sore eyes, Beetle’s shop offered marine fabrication services close to Melbourne, which we desperately needed. He patched up our hull with ease and fixed our combing racks, all the while chattering about the quality of his work and the multitude of services he offered. One such that caught my eye was his professional boat catch installation services, a handy addition that I made a mental note of for future mishaps – and with Lint onboard, I was certain there would be plenty.

With the repairs done, the SS Lionel was as good as new, ready to set sail on the morrow in search of the first piece of the Quadforce. Lint, I realised, was a disaster waiting to happen but he was also a beacon of resilience and optimism, traits I found myself appreciating amidst the ruin. The search had indeed begun, and I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of excitement.

Tomorrow, we sail into the unknown.

Till then,

Captain Lionel

I’m not sure how I feel about the commodification of the boating industry. First it’s everyone commuting on boats because they think it’s cool, and that I can just about tolerate. At least they’re doing so respectfully and giving boating a boost, even though I don’t think they’re REAL boating fans. It’s just a bit of a fad, and then in six months you’ll have a bunch of broke uni students trying to sell of their boats.

But now I find out that there’s a long-running TV show where people just name boat parts, and where they’re from, and it makes me unhappy. Melbourne’s outboard motor services are serious business. SUPER serious business. I watched a few episodes of the show, and while it’s very impressive that they can name boat parts, and where they’re from, the whole thing feels tired. In all the episodes I watched, there seemed to be about three parts that people were naming. Just anchor winches, outboard motors…and others. It’s like the show was started by someone really passionate about boating, but sometime in the last three decades they left and now it’s just still going because someone from on high keeps saying “well, we have nothing else to air, so do the thing about the boat parts where they stick their hands through the walls.”

I’d imagine it’d be the same if you’re one of those people into motorbikes, and you stumble across a tired old show where people just look at bikes and name the model, and it’s clear that no one working on it has any passion. I love boats, and I love their parts, and this doesn’t seem right.

Melbourne’s best quality outboard motor repairs deserve much better than this. I mean, at least a prime-time slot where an actual expert roams around the docks with a camera crew, talking about various aspects of boat mechanics and their jobs. That is, an expert who cares. Like me…

-Albert

OH. MY. MAINSAIL.

So strange how Week of Our Lives is having so many episodes set at sea recently. With that recent dramatic return of the fellow lost at sea, you’d think they’d continue that plot-line, but they actually solved it in one episode (it was his twin brother trying to extort everyone and find the key to their grandfather’s safe, where he kept the deed to an ancient jade mine in the heart of China. Quelle intrigue!)

But for now, they’ve returned to the sea for a set of episodes based around Marlucia and her efforts to gain her Ocean Master qualification, impressing the ghost of her dead sea captain father who may or may not be actually haunting her. Half the forums think it’s in her head, and I’m not sure myself.

Anyway, she’s stuck on the outboard motor. Services in Melbourne have to be, like, UP there. Top-notch. Ahead of the game, and all that. Marlucia is a smart girl, especially since she escaped her orphanage aged only two years old using an elaborate duplicate of herself made from paper cups and string, and also a stray pigeon that she was able to feed laxatives. But in terms of motors, I think Marlucia has always struggled with technology because of that flashback we saw of her growing up in the Tibetan monastery, where they beat her whenever she made an internet reference. She escaped to an Albajerian monastery by climbing over the mountains, but in the here and now, outboard motors are her greatest downfall. But they’re the last step in earning her Ocean Master badge at the behest of her maybe-dead maybe-a-hallucination sea captain father! And if she doesn’t have the badge, how can she enter the secret society and join the hunt for the lost treasure of Emmeline Pankhurst, hidden in a salt tomb underneath the Dead Sea??

She’d better get onto the case of places that do outboard motor repairs and servicing in Melbourne, and hopefully find a wise sensei who’ll help with all her problems. It usually works like that, anyway.

-Leticia

There are a great many materials that aren’t good for boats. Paper is definitely one of them…but after yesterday’s fiasco, everyone knows that. It still happens every year, we try to tell them not to, but…they still do it! What a joy, year after year.

Still, I feel like boats are steadily growing more and more obscure every year. Maybe that’s because they’re a bit of a commitment, and the whole world now runs on activities that can be completed with your butt in a seat. Still…it’s not exactly a golden age of boating. Ask your average person in Melbourne about anchor winch maintenance, and they won’t really know because they’ve never been taught. It seems as if the only way you know about boating culture is if you were born into it.

Maybe I’m wrong, and that’s just the way it’s always been. Or maybe I’m projecting! Perhaps my love of the sea is clouding my judgement, and I just think everyone should like the same things as me. Still, I really do genuinely believe that people are missing out. There’s no feeling quite like cruising around a bay in your very own vessel, or even just going for a ride in someone else’s. For creatures with no real swimming ability compared to the species that live in the sea, it sure does feel right to be out there, with the wind in your face and the sea spray all around. People have always loved the sea; it’s why so many cities are built right next to them. Well, that and trade.

Okay, so maintaining your own boat is a chore at times. Melbourne based outboard motor repairs companies are pretty good, though…it’s not like you won’t find someone to help you out.

I don’t know. I just think everyone should try owning a boat, or at least getting down to the docks every once in awhile. You’ll almost certainly have a great time.

-Debbie