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We have seen the future of kitchen design, and the future is robots. Droids. Androids. Droid-Anns (that is, droids that are called ‘Ann’). That’s why we at Android Office Solutions are diversifying the brand and starting a second company, Android Kitchen Solutions. The main problem is that we don’t actually have any skilled kitchen designers on staff at the moment, so we’d be looking to find an efficient and well-rated kitchen designer open for business, so we can work together to craft the kitchen of the future.

Which will be robots. But not JUST robots. There’s no use fitting a kitchen, commercial or residential, if it looks horrible. All the robots in the world aren’t going to get you any business if you just slap a bit of chrome all over the place and call it a day. No, people on the hunt for quality kitchen design know exactly what they want. Elegance, simplicity, and soon…robots. Just imagine it: you get a kitchen fitout that gives you the oaken counter-tops of your dreams, a double-sink at last, and one of those little thingies that gives you boiling water at any time you like. But ALSO, the microwave now responds to your voice commands and asks you how your day is going, maybe even recognises certain types of food and doesn’t have to ask how long to heat it up. The fridge automatically adjusts to the optimum temperatures for every piece of food, and of course there will be a robot butler: Jeeves 6000. We’ve already started working on his core software. He will be both posh and efficient.

People always talk about modern kitchen design, but this will be the kitchen renovation to end them all. Your specifications, your perfect countertops and floor materials…and Jeeves. Faithful, subservient Jeeves, and his wife, Ann.

-Chen

There’s absolutely nothing more serious than office design. Everyone here is joking around, saying that they hope they come back to our main office to find that it’s full of robots that do their work for them, and a multi-storey car park that pick up your car with a metal arm and places it into a bay.

Well, for the record, that would be AMAZING. Also, very convenient…parking in bays is hard. But offices are the way of the future. If we don’t evolve, we just face away. Gone are the days of orange sofas and orange soda machines. Orange used to be the new navy, but now, purple is the new orange. Not to be confused with burnt orange, which was the new grey, but has now been re-overtaken by grey. But that’s gunmetal grey. Surely there must be at least one respectable place that does office fitouts. Sydney is bound to have a few companies that can be trusted with such a crucial task.

What was I talking about? Oh yeah, offices, and the incredible importance of making them look and feel great for the continued business success of this great country. For you see, the trite office design of the early 2010s has fully passed us by. All the big tech companies used to just fill their break rooms with jelly bears, and line the walls with fun workplace snaps of a candid nature. I think people are starting to realise that workplaces have to have a certain degree of professionalism if they want to function properly. You can let people arrive in the morning with running shoes, and they might occasionally have casual Fridays, but professionalism is key. So once we get back to our quality office fitout, by Sydney office design professionals, they’ll have to see the truth.

Grey. Purple. Open-plan but nothing too crazy. It’s the way of the future.

-R.Y.